Derby Day 2010 - Prepare for Awesomeness

From my Friend Joe, You MUST attend this event.

Most distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen,

It is my pleasure and an honor to extend this invitation to you to attend Derby Day, the premiere Atlanta social and philanthropic event for 29 years running, benefiting the Shepherd Center, one of the nation's top catastrophic injury rehabilitation hospitals. Derby Day is our annual Kentucky Derby party where over a thousand of the South's elite - moguls and models, frat-stars and rock stars - gather with common interests: horses, booze, philanthropy, seersucker, and the opposite sex. I've assembled an informational guide, below, for those who haven't attended before as well as for those who have attended before but were blacked out for the entirety of the event.

So please, be my guest on May 1st and you will not be disappointed. Read on for details!

The Basics

Derby Day is Saturday, May 1st, at the Georgia International Horse Park (Transportation provided, chill out!) The party goes from 2pm to 10pm (That's right, 8 hours of included food and booze for only... sixty bucks??) We erect a veritable Dubai of luxury tents with plenty of room for everyone, so the party's kickin' rain or shine. The Kentucky Derby will be shown on huge screens so everyone will get a great view.



Food and Drink

With sponsors like Bulleit Bourbon and Anheuser-Busch, rest assured we'll have the South's best Mint Juleps and a great beer selection. We've got distributor hookups, so no well crap - the bars are stocked with call or premium liquor for whatever your thirst may be. Delicious, delicious barbecue will be provided to keep all of that down.

Figure 1: Poorly played Flip Cup. So drunk, vision has gone black and white.



Logistics

Considering we're all professional lushes, we know from experience that no one should be driving (or even forming coherent sentences) after a party of this magnitude. Luckily, the Committee has arranged your transportation! A fleet of buses will escort you from Buckhead to the event and back - just in time to stumble down to the bars and get arrested.

Entertainment

1) The Kentucky Derby
2) Betting on the Kentucky Derby
3) Beer Pong, Flip Cup, and plenty of Cornhole sets
4) Poker, Craps, and Blackjack on casino tables with legit croupiers
1) Plenty of "Talent" to scout
6) Some band? No, YACHT ROCK!

That's right, get your boarding pass and join the crew to set sail on a big blue watery road of AM Gold. This year, I'm the event liaison for the band... I'll be sure to get them just wasted enough to rock their smoothest. Anyone wanting pictures or to get a hat signed, I'll see what I can do.



Attire

Ladies - You know what to do. Don't forget to find a suitably ridiculous hat in time.


Bros - Well, we have to compete with this guy. Southern Proper croakies and a sea foam green blazer with embroidered horsies? It's gonna be tough.



The Cause

The Shepherd Center is a private, not-for-profit hospital specializing in medical treatment, research, and rehabilitation for people with spinal cord injury and brain injury. The Junior Committee's Derby Day events have raised millions of dollars so far for the Shepherd Center, all net proceeds going directly to therapeutic recreation programs.

Tickets

Tired of paying over a hundred bucks for a few hours of drinking well liquor and eating decent food at NYE and other big events where your money only benefits the bar's owner?
How about paying $60 for eight hours of great drinks, awesome barbecue, premium entertainment, and a party bus, with the money going to a great cause? Much better!

Tickets are on sale now at http://www.derbyday.com/ddtickets.asp for only 60 bucks. Make sure to list Joe Revnes as your referral and he'll reward you with a $5 raffle ticket!

Shout out if you're in and let me know if you have any questions!

Tebow Drinking Game

* Drink every time Tebow is called "a warrior."

* Drink every time Tebow's called "a leader," then salute.

* Drink every time Tebow's called a "special athlete," then yell
"Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!"

* Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should win the
Heisman again this year.

* Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only
reason the sky hasn't fallen is the strength of his pointing.

* Drink every time he's shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like
a bird (or an idiot) to pump up the crowd.

* Drink every time Tebow's on camera for no reason when the Florida
defense is on the field.

* Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.

* Drink every time they show an "I Heart Tebow" sign in the stands.

* Drink every time you see a Florida fan in jorts. (Small sips on
this one. Otherwise it could kill you).

* Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.

* If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines
while he was a missionary - Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron

The Office Musical

Interesting Architectural Design

Best Halloween costume

douche bags

Babt Got Back

GA/FL

When geeks have twins

The best Christmas lights idea

Foul ball from hell

Airline Rap

They walk among us

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole e! vent was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded ! cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Bombing the enemy

Looks like a video game

The best feeling ever

Men vs Women

Giant Dog

We have something in common. We both drink from the faucet.

Classes for Women

LARRY'S ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Tuesday.

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About
It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and
Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through
the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store,
Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Not a great first date

funny pictures